Here's to a double quarter-pounder with cheese (customers only)

In a defiant statement, a spokesman for the fast-food industry today lashed out at fast-food workers’ “outrageous and unacceptable demand to be considered human beings.”

Arguing that “granting fast food workers anything beyond a grim, scraping existence would put a serious dent in our profits,” the Fast Food Restaurant Council spokesman Tracy Klugian said. “Considering our workers human would be ruinous to the fast food industry as we know it.”

But Mr. Klugian was quick to point out that the controversy was about more than money: “It’s about dignity and respect—two things this industry has zero tolerance for.”...TheBorowitzReport